Why did I quit modelling?
Goooood afternoon lovely readers of the Goddess Blog and welcome to another day and another post by your favorite Goddess!
Today it is going to be a kind of a personal post from your Goddess - many of you have always inquiried about my past and why I quit modelling - so today, on this rainy day I decided to open up a bit about this particular part of my life that is thankfully behind me - so stick around today’s post and I hope that you will appreciate the thoughts that the Goddess has to share with you today! :)
As some of you know, before I became a blog girl, I was an aspiring model. I would say I was an aspiring model talent from Belgrade. Now that I look back, I cannot believe how lucky I was that the COVID outbreak destroyed the modelling agency that I worked for and basically gave me a second chance at life and at earning a solid income.
From 2017 till 2020 and the pandemic that put a halt on the world as we knew it back then, I was working as a model at one of the many Belgrade model agencies. I will not be naming it - let's leave that for another time.
As I was still in my teenage years when I started off modelling, I have to say that I was really ecstatic to be beginning such a memorable path. I mean, after all - Adriana Lima, Heidi Klum, Rosie Huntington - for a small teenage girl from Belgrade, these ladies were not only icons of the modelling world - I considered them idols. Little did I know how cruel and unrewarding the whole modelling business is.
I mean try to paint a picture - we all have seen models, we all kinda see how glamurous their lifestyle can be - but what really happens in the back scenes, well, let's just say is something that can break even the strongest person out there.
First thing's first - the salary I received was absolute peanuts of a salary. I could barely pay any living expense that me and my mother incurred. But I would say that was just the tip of the problem, for even back then I did not have such great understanding of money and finances - so yeah, I would say 600 € - 800 €/month for a teenage girl were okay (even though in reality, it wasn't).
The first major problem I faced was my weight. I got basically bullied into believing that I was fat and that in order for my career to take off I needed to lose weight. Back then, I really thought that I needed to do anything that I could in order to please people that were in charge of my modeling agency because after all - they were the ones holding the cards to the future that I envisaged.
I used to have some photo shoots with photographers - that after the photo shoot, we would look at photos together and some of them used to slice a photo in half of me and then just go 'see - now you look good.' I used to begin to think that maybe they were right - and maybe I should be trying harder at losing weight, trying harder to fit in. I admit that I forced myself to throw up a couple of times - you cannot imagine how sick I feel to the stomach just reminiscing about those things. But hey - a young, naive girl with a dream (turns out a nightmare instead) and with little knowledge of whats good and right - can you blame me or any of the other girls?
Second major problem was the usage of drugs - especially at some of the older girls that were in the agency. I for one thank God did not get to that stage - but I was made to believe that the usage of drugs was only natural in order to endure the difficult world of modeling. I dont think there was a single over 20 year old girl in that particular model agency that was not under the influence of drugs and alcohol. And it wasn't only about the stress of the job involved, it was also due to the fact that wherever there are nice, cute, beautiful young girls involved.. the predators come lurking as well. I was never approached by anyone (thank GOD), but I heard stories from other girls that quite a lot of them were getting touched inappropriately by some 15-20-25 years older guys than them. Sickening stuff - but that's just how this particular part of the 'job' plays itself out.
Third major problem was the fact that none of these girls really knew deep down what was going on. For you see, if you live these hardships on a daily basis for a longer period of time, these things basically become a part of you - and you accept them as normal. You accept having an eating disorder as normal. You accept being called fat regularly as normal. You accept getting touched inappropriately by someone who is old enough to be your dad as normal. You accept using drugs and alcohol as a get-away as normal. You accept getting paid peanuts as.. normal.
And then - boom. 2020, covid strikes and resets the whole thing. Basically over night the whole world came to a halt. And so did my modelling.
I started a blog on ko-fi on the 7th of January 2020 - and I havent looked back since.
It is funny though - even though I was basically thrown into an industry of lions alongside many sheep - I am still grateful for the experience because it made me turn into the person I am today. As for some of the girls that used to be my colleagues - I am afraid quite a lot of them are still models. I have tried talking to some of them about maybe quitting altogether, that there is more to life than being some guy's toy - but as I mentioned before, it is difficult to convince someone about what's normal and what's not normal after years and years of systematic, daily abuse.
To conclude, I want to use the same slogan that we all know and change it a bit:
Instead of 'Don't do drugs', I would say:
Don't do drugs.. or modeling. Ever. :)
Rant over! Hope you guys have a nice weekend ahead of you - and I am looking forward to reading some of your bad job experiences that you guys had! :)
Goddess is out for the day, sorry for the moody post today guys but I feel like I needed to get that out of the way because in the 3 years blogging it has weighed down on me - so it feels nice to just put it out there finally :)
Catch you all tomorrow with a happier post in order to conclude this week,
Goddess loves you all!
xxx
