How to get over a girl
Greetings lovely Goddess blog readers and welcome to another Wednesday and another post by yours truly! Today’s post is going to be a bit heartbreaking at first, but deemed necessary as I have encountered many strong manly figures not being able to swallow and move on from a rejeciton or a breaking up in a relationship with a girl that they like. So stick around for this one as I am sure that there isn’t a worse feeling than being separated from a girl that you like - but there are also ways in how to pick yourself up, FAST! Enjoy the read and do not let this Goddess be devoid of coffee for any longer..! :)
I’m writing this for myself as much as I am for you. I’m no genius, no expert; this Goddess has been hurt as well in the past. And we’re gonna pull each other out of this mess. What we do right now, bloodied and battered, is what defines us. We can choose to be weak, lay on the cold ground and await the artillery shelling of emotion, or we can choose to become the stuff of legends.
So tie a rag around that fresh wound, know it’s going to give you hell, and let’s get the fuck out of this miserable place. We’re charging ahead, limp and all. Feel the pain like a sprinter feels the burn of that last lap. Feel it! Accept its presence. Yes, it exists. Yes, it’s intense. But it exists to be conquered, and you’re the only person that can do it. Don’t back down, don’t back off. You’re built to overcome this. Yeah, it’s damn tough, but so what? It’s the difficult things that develop us.
Take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings, pull up your britches, and never forget this is for the best. I promise. Your mission is to prosper without him or her; to be independent. The way you handle this emotional scar will determine if it’s becomes a great personal story of overcoming adversity or a permanent emotional deformity. How? Well, without any further ado, here are some steps as to ‘How’..
1. Accept It
It’s over, boys and girls. They’re gone. This is the hardest part for me. Even if he comes back, do I really want a guy who rejected me? You should never accept someone who doesn’t want to be your partner. If Brad Pitt doesn’t see my potential, he’s not right for me. It’s that simple. If they dumped you for shit you need to clean out of your life, then you need to fix it not for them, but for yourself.
Every time I catch myself thinking about any of my ex’s, I repeat out loud: “Neediness leaving the body.” Don’t wallow in your loss. Be thankful for the good times you shared, and use it as motivation to find the next one! Your worth has nothing to do with their approval of you. If you think about it, we don’t really miss them, we miss the idea of them. We miss a lost wax casting of them; we don’t miss them as much as we miss their effect on us. We miss being with someone who is attractive, smart, funny, and likes us. But guess what? That’s not them anymore. The irony is, if we ever end up with them again, it can only be because we prospered without them.
2. Don’t Blame Yourself
It’s so tempting to jump down the rabbit hole and obsess over “What if I did X or didn’t do Y? Would things be different?” Frankly, it doesn’t matter. It’s part of the past, and the past is dead. We are who we choose to be today, and that is the only thing we can control.
Guilt over the past and worry over the future are both useless emotions that slow down our ability to live today in relaxed confidence. I yell out loud “Stop! Stop! Stop!” every time I begin to entertain thoughts of self-pity. Don’t let anything interfere with your ability to enjoy today.
3. Act Attractive Baby!
They may still want to be your friend. They may hate your guts. They may send mixed signals. They may call and text all the time. They may never contact you again. They may act aloof, and still call you to wish you a happy birthday (this happened to me way too many times). They may be confused and hurt and do all the above. None of it should affect you.
Public Enemy #1 is to overreact. Most people will behave out of anger or anxiety; both are forms of unearned worship. Take him or her off the pedestal and don’t read into their actions. Don’t try to figure out why they would do this or that. There are too many variables to know the motivations behind that particular action at that particular time. Over-analyzing never added a second to anyone’s life. You’re going to be fine with or without them. If you have to alter your identity to win them back, then you’re not really winning anything.
Be cool and focus on what’s in your control, not what they’re doing. Don’t go out of your way to talk to them, and don’t go out of your way to avoid them. Both are reactive. Allow yourself a narrow range of laid-back reactions to them, because it’s not about them anymore. It’s about taking care of you.
A good rule of thumb here is to scale back your interaction according to the severity of your pain — the more you hurt, the less you should talk. If they keep calling you, calmly tell them, “Hey, I appreciate it, but I don’t see the point in us talking anymore. I don’t see you as only a friend, so please respect that.”
Success here is defined by the degree they don’t affect your emotional state. Don’t interact with them until you can be relaxed and confident about it.
4. DON’T Chase
She is who she is, and you shouldn’t try to change her. Respect her choice, and don’t be deluded into acting like she’s the only girl for you. She may have had chemistry with you for that period of time, but she’s not the last cup of water in the Sahara; you don’t need her. You may feel like you do, but you don’t. You need food. You need air and water. You need an unconditional faith in yourself. You don’t need a particular man or woman.
Besides, believing that he or she is better than everyone else is an insult to the literally millions of other people that you would find attractive and intelligent. I remember when my guy walked away, it felt like that entire demographic of guys walked away with her.
“I’ll never find someone like her.” Don’t believe that shit! Whatever her characteristics (black, white, athletic, Christian, Muslim, intelligent, funny, caring, driven, laid back, etc.), THERE ARE MORE LIKE HER.
Fuck that, there are more better than her.
5. No Reminders
Every day on my way to the grocery store, I pass two street signs adorning his first name. These factors are out of my control, and I give them a Jay-Z brush off my shoulder every time. Everything that’s in your control? Get rid of it. You need to get your mind off this girl guys! Life is too short to sacrifice even one second of your sanity, so change the station immediately when Gavin Degraw’s “Not Over You” –- or any other shitty breakup song –- comes to haunt your ears.
The past is dead. Leave it in the grave instead of reliving it.
6. NO Jealousy
Don’t compare yourself to the people they talk to and date. Their choices reflect only on them, not you. Your self-worth is more important here, how you feel about yourself for yourself, not compared to some random other sap. Jealousy is a result of allowing something out of your control to dictate your emotions.
Never show signs of jealousy. Let them go. Ironically, that’s the most attractive thing you can do.
7. Hang Out With Friends
Self-explanatory. Exhaust your contacts list until you’ve hung out with everyone who lives in town and talked on the phone with everyone who doesn’t. Friends are a wonderful resource to keep your spirits up.
8. Don’t Stalk
If you can resist looking at their social media profiles, then unsubscribe from her Facebook updates so it doesn’t appear on your News Feed. If you can’t resist, quietly unfriend them. Don’t make a big deal out of it, and don’t tell anyone. If anyone brings it up to you, admit you unfriended them and you did it because you felt like you needed to. There’s no shame in pain. You don’t owe anyone further explanation or justification; it’s your choice and you live by your own standards.
9. Focus On Your Goals
Take something on your bucket list and do something today to take a step toward it. You have no excuse! Every large undertaking ever accomplished was broken down into steps small enough to be done in a single day. If you want to be a pilot, find a program and research classes. If you want to go skydiving, call and commit to a day. If you want a six-pack, focus on eating clean and working out today. Take a step each and every day toward your goal, and how can you not reach it? Don’t let money constrain you. Create a savings account or a crypto portfolio and deposit a set amount each month (before you even spend anything on food!) until you have enough. I’d rather die hungry than have dreams unfulfilled.
The intensity of your goals should at least match the degree of your emotional investment in the girl. If you’re still obsessed with her, you’re not busy and focused enough.
10. Refocus
Pull the lesson from it and move on, but never search for the lesson at the expense of moving on.
Remember, it is never the calm seas that reveal the strength of a vessel. The way you weather the storm shows what material you’re made of. You’ll make it.
That is it for today’s post fellow lovely souls! I hope that you all relished the read and will be pain free for the rest of the day and week!
Cya all tomorrow,
xxx
